One of the most profound and sometimes painful parts of awakening is watching your relationships transform. Some deepen in beautiful, unexpected ways. Others drift or even end completely. And there’s both heartbreak and liberation in this process.
As I continue on my own awakening journey, the shifts in how I relate to others—and how I allow others to relate to me—have been some of the most challenging and rewarding aspects of this path.
Let me share what happens to relationships when you start changing from the inside out.
When Your Reality Shifts, Everything Shifts
Here’s something important to understand about awakening: when you change how you see the world, all of your relationships automatically change too. It’s not usually one dramatic conversation or moment that transforms everything—it’s the gradual or sometimes sudden shift in your perception that alters how you experience every connection in your life.
When you start seeing patterns and dynamics that were invisible to you before, you can’t unsee them. You start responding differently. You stop playing roles that never really fit. You begin holding space in new ways.
Some relationships naturally deepen and flourish with these changes. Others become strained or uncomfortable because the old dynamics no longer work.
Finding Your Awakening Ally
Probably the most meaningful relationship change for me has been with my brother. We were very close when we were young, but life pulled us in different directions. We actually lived apart for almost twenty years, with minimal connection between us.
What’s fascinating is that we were both on our individual awakening journeys simultaneously, without really knowing what the other was experiencing. Then something unexpected happened—a family blowup where I finally spoke my truth about a situation.
That moment of raw honesty created an opening. We started talking more deeply, comparing notes on our experiences, and discovered we were seeing many of the same patterns and having similar realizations. We each apologized for things we’d been holding onto from the past, clearing away old guilt and resentment that had kept a subtle distance between us.
Now he’s become my sounding board—one of the few people in my life who truly sees what I’m seeing and operates on a similar wavelength. When I’m experiencing something that seems crazy or impossible to explain to others, he often gets it immediately.
I honestly don’t know how I would navigate this awakening path without him. Having even one person who can validate your experience, who can say “yes, I see that too,” makes all the difference when you’re questioning everything about reality.
The Pattern Players
When I first started waking up, one of the earliest and hardest realizations was seeing how certain relationships were holding me back from becoming my best self.
There’s this strange dynamic that happens—you start shifting, but there are people around you who are deeply invested (unconsciously) in keeping you exactly as you’ve always been. Why? Because you play a specific role in their pattern, and if you change, their whole system gets disrupted.
For me, the major pattern theme was getting myself into relationships—friendships, family connections, romantic partnerships—that constantly drained me. I was the giver, the helper, the people-pleaser. I kept ending up in the same situations over and over, just with different people.
When you’re waking up, you reach a critical decision point with each relationship: Can you maintain your growth trajectory while keeping this person in your life? Or will this relationship inevitably pull you back into old patterns?
If I determined that someone would hinder my growth in ways I couldn’t counteract, I made the difficult choice to let them go—regardless of whether they were friend or family, regardless of how long they’d been in my life.
That might sound harsh, but I’ve realized it’s actually the most loving choice for everyone involved. Staying in relationships that require you to dim your light or play inauthentic roles ultimately serves no one.
The Ultimate Emotional Manipulation
One of the most difficult aspects of breaking free from unhealthy relationship patterns was facing the extreme emotional manipulation that often followed.
When I tried to create distance or set boundaries, I encountered the ultimate form of emotional control: people threatening to harm themselves if I left.
This particular manipulation tactic creates an almost impossible bind. If you stay, you sacrifice your wellbeing. If you leave and they follow through on their threat, you carry the guilt. It’s a perfect trap designed to keep you locked in the relationship.
Learning to recognize this as manipulation rather than love was a painful but necessary awakening. I had to understand that I wasn’t responsible for others’ choices, even in these extreme situations.
Letting go of these relationships despite such threats was terrifying, but ultimately set me free. I realized that staying out of fear wasn’t actually helping them—it was enabling patterns that kept us both stuck.
You Think You’re Too Good For Us Now
When you start taking care of yourself, working on healing your wounds, and growing as a person, not everyone celebrates your evolution.
I’ve had people make comments like “you think you’re too good for us now” simply because I couldn’t hang out as often. These remarks stung at first because they completely misinterpreted my journey. It wasn’t about thinking I was “better”—it was about finally valuing myself enough to make different choices.
I eventually realized that these comments revealed more about their insecurities than my actions. When one person in a group starts to change, it often holds up an uncomfortable mirror to others who aren’t ready to look at their own patterns.
Eventually, I stopped caring about these misinterpretations. I was taking care of myself at last, which is exactly what everyone else was already doing. The difference was that I had stopped apologizing for it.
Setting Boundaries With Love
One pivotal moment in my relationship evolution came with one of my parents. This was the first time I really enforced a boundary with someone deeply important to me.
During a conversation, they said something hurtful: “Nobody cares about you.” Instead of accepting this comment or getting defensive, I paused and asked simply, “Are you trying to make me feel bad?”
That question created a moment of reflection for both of us. I could see that this behavior was part of an automatic pattern they had inherited from their own parent—a generational pattern of communication they weren’t fully conscious of.
Surprisingly, they weren’t upset by my question. Instead, it prompted them to become reflective about their behavior. This taught me that boundaries don’t have to be harsh or dramatic—sometimes a simple, honest question can create space for greater awareness.
I began to understand that setting boundaries with loved ones wasn’t mean or selfish—it was actually an invitation for mutual growth and more authentic connection.
The Impossible Reality Gap
Sometimes the most painful relationship changes involve people you deeply love but simply cannot find common ground with anymore.
There’s a close family member I care about deeply and would love to maintain a relationship with. But this person has created a reality so different from mine that when I’m in their presence, I somehow play the role of villain in their narrative.
I’ve tried to bridge this reality gap, but their fixed perception of who I am doesn’t match who I actually am or who I’m becoming. When we’re together, I find myself battling this negative impression while trying to love them simultaneously. For a long time, I kept these feelings inside, never expressing how painful this dynamic was.
I know this person has been through significant challenges in their life, and I would like to hold space for them. But right now, I’m not able to do that without compromising my own wellbeing. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do—both for yourself and the other person—is to create some distance and trust that healing might happen in its own time.
The Relationships That Deepen
Not all relationship changes are about endings. The connections that have remained in my life have actually improved and deepened through this process.
I’m fortunate to be surrounded by people who are also waking up, each in their own time. I don’t feel on exactly the same wavelength with all of them—some are exploring different aspects of awakening than I am—but there’s a mutual respect for each other’s journey.
When you become more authentic, the people who stay in your life get to experience a more real version of you. The masks come off, the people-pleasing diminishes, and what emerges is the possibility for genuine connection.
I’ve noticed that as I’ve become more honest and boundaried, the quality of all my relationships has improved. There’s less resentment, less fakeness, less exhaustion. In their place has grown more trust, more depth, and more joy.
Your Evolving Inner Circle
As my awakening journey continues, I’ve become much more intentional about who I allow into my inner circle. I’m naturally drawn to people who are on their own path of self-discovery and personal development.
These relationships are fundamentally different from my old patterns. There’s a mutual respect for boundaries. There’s honesty without cruelty. There’s space for growth and change without punishment.
I’ve found it’s much easier to connect with people who are doing their own inner work. They understand that relationships are not static—they’re living, breathing things that evolve as we evolve. They don’t expect me to remain the same person I was five years ago to make them comfortable.
Above all, they understand that my commitment to my own growth isn’t selfish—it’s the greatest gift I can offer to our relationship and to the world.
The Liberation of Letting Go
There’s something nobody really talks about when it comes to releasing unhealthy relationships: the profound relief that follows.
When I finally let go of people who had been dragging me down or holding me back from becoming the best version of myself, I experienced this unexpected lightness. It was like putting down a heavy backpack I’d been carrying for so long that I’d forgotten it wasn’t actually part of my body.
The guilt and fear of letting go often overshadow this truth: there is immense freedom waiting on the other side of these difficult decisions. Your energy returns. Your clarity sharpens. Your authentic self has room to breathe and expand.
I spent years trying to change people, trying to make them see how their behavior was harmful, trying to “fix” relationships that were fundamentally misaligned. What I eventually learned is that you cannot change another person—ever. You can only decide if you’re willing to accept their behavior and the consequences that behavior brings into your life.
This isn’t about judging others for where they are on their journey. It’s about honestly assessing whether certain relationships are supporting your evolution or hindering it.
In my experience, when you truly find yourself and start to love that self, you become much less worried about losing what you once thought were important relationships. Your perspective shifts. You realize some connections were based on who you were pretending to be, not who you actually are.
Sometimes people will surprise you and grow alongside you. Others will fall away for a time but return when they’re ready. And some will permanently exit your life—which eventually you’ll recognize as the gift it truly was.
Your Circle of Influence
There’s wisdom in that age-old saying about becoming the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s not just folk wisdom—it’s backed by research showing that the people around us profoundly shape our thoughts, behaviors, and even our physical health.
Studies have consistently shown that negativity is contagious. When you’re regularly around people who complain, criticize, or focus on problems rather than solutions, you naturally start adopting those same patterns. Your brain actually begins to wire itself toward negativity.
Throughout history, philosophers, spiritual teachers, and successful business leaders have emphasized the critical importance of your circle of influence. They understood that environment is often stronger than willpower.
I used to think I was strong enough to remain positive and growth-oriented regardless of who I surrounded myself with. That was pride, not wisdom. Now I understand that intentionally creating a supportive environment isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity for awakening.
This doesn’t mean surrounding yourself only with people who agree with you or never challenge you. Quite the opposite—the most valuable people in your circle will often be those who push you to grow, who offer different perspectives, who call you out when needed. The key difference is that they do this from a place of love and respect for your journey, not from a need to keep you small or stuck in old patterns.
That might sound selfish to someone who hasn’t experienced this yet. But I’ve realized that honoring myself is actually the most loving thing I can do—both for me and for others.
Because the real me, the authentic me, has so much more to offer the world than the people-pleasing, pattern-stuck version ever did.
Is there a relationship in your life where you’re playing a role rather than being your authentic self?
This week, notice one situation where you can set a small boundary with someone important to you. It doesn’t have to be dramatic—even a simple “I need a moment” when you feel overwhelmed can be a powerful start.
Glow for it 
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